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Conversations with mourners- things to avoid.

We all want to be there for someone when they are in their darkest hour, but it is important not to make things worse. These are the types of sentiments are best avoided:

1. Anything that minimizes the person’s grief

2. Any attempt to change the subject when the deceased person is mentioned

3. Anything that makes the bereaved feel judged for expressing their feelings

4. Anything that begins with “You should” or “You will”

5. Anything that puts pressure on the mourner

In his memoir, A Grief Observed, C. S. Lewis writes about the loss of his wife to cancer. “I see people as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they’ll say something or not. I hate it if they do, and if they don’t.”

in conclusion, not everyone’s grief experiences will be the same. Individuals mourn their losses in unique ways while evidencing some commonalities. Your loved ones may deal with their pain and sorrow in ways that don't make sense to you. Even so, remember that what they’ll need most from you is your unconditional support as they learn to cope with their feelings and emotions- and maybe a referral to a death doula or other grief support systems.

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